How not to do it, take 2

This one is particularly bad! Believe it or not, I did not make up a single thing - this is an ACTUAL profile. I don't think I could come up with this even if I tried... I am not even going to make any comments - I think this speaks for itself. Enjoy!

Summary:

LOOKING FOR "LTR" & FUN... IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER...
Straight acting & masculine. Total guy's guy. Grew up in the northern suburbs. Versatile top w/ fine cock. Butch personality. Into sports, music, travel & the outdoors. Living in western suburbs/weekend travel to [blank]. Looking for hot friends to get to know & for a good time. Open to LTR with the right person. Must be masculine, height/weight proportionate, with hair in the right places & have an outgoing, confident personality. Prefer close to my own age and younger. D/D free. You be too. Tested 7/25/11. Regarding LTR, you must have your act together. I am looking for a partner interested in raising a family.

My life:

I'm going places with my life. Aggressively climbing the corporate ladder. Career focused. Willing to share my success with a qualified partner. Looking for a partner who is educated, successful and career oriented.

I'm good at:

Cooking, hiking, fishing, camping, gardening. Love the outdoors and any outdoor activities.

About me:

I'm super genuine and down to earth. I tend to talk a lot. I'm like a radio. I'm constantly broadcasting. I'm a nice guy. I tend to go out of my way for people. I'm a little quick to judge. I don't like being taken advantage of. If I think someone is using me, they're going to be "un-friended". I'm told I've got a great smile.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, food:

I'm a total nerd. Into personal finance. I read financial magazines. Love Star Trek. I enjoy most sci-fi. Huge [blank] fan. I try to get along with [blank] fans. I don't appreciate the negativity of what seems like the majority of [blank] fans towards[blank] fans... I know my team sucks. I still like them anyway. So get over it!!! I tend to be shallow when it comes to movies. Mars Attacks!, Independence Day, Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6, Terminator 2. More serious movies: Brokeback Mountain, Short Bus, Into the Wild. I kinda get into Broadway shows, but wouldn't be caught dead singing showtunes in public. I like seafood. A lot. And I like fish and red meat. A lot. Some days I'll eat only fruits and veggies... That's how I restore balance to the force...

6 things I could not do without:

Where would society be today without vitamins, condoms, personal lubricant, attractive men, red wine, & craft beers...


And now, presenting the short list of things I'd like to be without: politicians, god and religion, timekeeping & calendars, cigarette smoke, and stupid celebrity reality shows on TV.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

Why there are so many ignorant people in the world... I'd like to ship all the dumb dumbs off to another planet... And all the bad drivers... Why can't we get rid of them too... I also spend a lot of time thinking about what it would actually be like if the [blank] were to not only play in the World Series in my lifetime, but to actually win the World Series. Also spend a lot of time thinking about aliens... They're totally out there. Probably not such a good idea if they come here... My guess is that if they come to Earth, its going to end up very, very bad for us... They'll either come to take natural resources and plunder the planet or come to eat us... I'd prefer the outcome of a zombie plague to having to defend the planet from aliens.

On a Friday night, I am:

perfectly content to sit at home and relax in front of the TV... I like to go out from time to time on a Friday, but for me its just great to relax after a crazy, crazy week.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit:

I've got an ego... Though somehow I'm down to earth... I'm a minimalist... I don't buy fancy new clothes, don't think much of fancy new cars, prefer meals out, travel, recreational activities, time outdoors, and shared experiences with family and friends over receiving gifts... I'm not materialistic. I dumpster dive for second hand furniture rather than buy new things... I collect friends and lovers, rather than material objects.... I love a date with a nice looking guy followed by intimacy if the chemistry is right.... I tend to be "easy" but I'm not a cheap date... If your idea of a date is grabbing fast food, then it's probably better that we not meet... My philosophy about dating is simple... Relationships have to have roughly four pillars... Sexual compatibility, an emotional connection, trust and respect, and economic parity... I've been in some great relationships where everything was perfect, but I ended up sexually frustrated. Needless to say those relationships didn't work out... I've also had relationships where I was in love with the person, but there was no economic parity... Every day was a struggle in that relationship.... No worries... There isn't going to be a test... And I don't bite, unless you want me to... One of my priorities on a date is to figure out if the other person and I are sexually compatible... For me, that's the most important thing.... Everything else is necessary also, but I can find those things out over time... If the sex isn't good however, most likely there isn't going to be a next time... Sorry, I may come across as a dick... You gotta wonder which head is doing the thinking as I sit here writing this... Its just how I am... Anyway, I look forward to our first date!

You should message me if:
Message me if you're withing close proximity to my area or willing to travel. I'm not into the long distance thing. I've done long distance relationships before and they're totally stupid. Read my entire profile. I'm a bit sarcastic at times but genuinely a nice guy. My humor tends to be a bit trashy... I've been known to offend... Most people see through all of that and like me.... You should definitely take a chance and say hi!!!